Most of us have heard of the feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys. What you might not know is how it all started. In 1878 the two families disputed over the ownership of a hog. That dispute led to a 12-year war, resulting in the deaths of three Hatfields, seven McCoys and two outsiders. Disagreement over that one hog took 12 years and 12 lives. Most feuds today are equally ridiculous.

When I was in private practice, I was constantly amazed at the reasons people came to see a psychologist. One time, a lady came in for counseling because she was angry over five shirts. No, I’m serious, that’s what she was really ticked off about. Her husband bought five no-iron shirts. To her, that label meant she didn’t have to iron them. But her husband thought she should continue to iron them because he liked the firm crease. The first time they were washed, he didn’t wear them, so she asked him why. He said, “Because they aren’t ironed.” She said, “They don’t need to be ironed.” They fought over the un-ironed no-iron shirts for months.

She came to me and said the problem was five no-iron shirts. I asked, “How long does it take to iron the shirts?” She said, “I guess about three minutes each.” I said, “I think I can solve your problem. Next week when you come to see me, bring the five no-iron shirts. I’ll bring an ironing board and iron, and I’ll iron the shirts for you. It will take about 15 minutes. While I’m ironing the no-iron shirts, you can sit out in the lobby and have a soft drink and look at magazines. After 15 minutes, I’ll have the shirts ready. You’ll be happy because you have the shirts ironed. Your husband will be happy because the shirts are ironed. And I’ll be happy because I have 35 minutes left on a 50-minute session and I’m making $90. Everyone will be happy.” She looked at me and said, “You’re an idiot. I’m going to go home and iron the stupid shirts myself.” I said, “That’s a great idea.”

I’m amazed at what people fight over. Two brothers inherited a store from their father. They ran the store together and got along well. One day, one of the brothers put a dollar bill on the cash register but didn’t have time to come back and get it. When he came back to pick up the dollar, it wasn’t there. He said to his brother, “Did you pick up a dollar bill on the register?” The brother said, “No, I didn’t pick it up.” He said, “You had to pick it up. Nobody else was in the store.” The fight escalated until finally they were so angry at each other, they divided the store with a wall, made two separate stores and didn’t speak to each other for 20 years. One day, a man came into the store and said, “I was in here 20 years ago. I was poor, didn’t have a job, and I was hungry. A dollar bill was on the cash register. Nobody was here, so I stole it. Now I want to return it. I’ll give you whatever interest you’d like.” The owner said, “I don’t want any interest, but I would like for you to go next door and tell my brother the same story.” He went next door, told the brother the story, and then left. As he left, he was surprised to see two middle-aged men crying and hugging each other.

Another family feud was over color. In the play, “Philadelphia, Here I Come,” a boy from Ireland had a bad relationship with his father, so he decided to go to America to seek his fortune. He went home to say goodbye to his mother and perhaps even talk to his dad, knowing that he would probably never see them again. The talk with his dad didn’t go well. The family went to bed. About midnight the father and son were both up for a snack and bumped into each other at the refrigerator. Their inhibitions were down, and they actually began to talk to each other. They began reminiscing about a fishing trip they had taken together when the boy was young. They began to smile and enjoy the conversation. The boy said he would never forget that red boat. Dad interrupted, “No, son, it was a blue boat.” They argued about the color of the boat until the relationship had once again been breached. The next morning, the son left home. The mother waved goodbye, and the father stayed in the house with his back turned. The father and son never talked again, and the dispute was over the color of a boat.

We may think, “That’s stupid.” But the fact is, we fight about things that are just as trivial, almost every day. Let me ask you a question: What one-dollar, no-iron, blue hog are you fighting over? Is it worth it?