On March 4, our daughter Angela presented her testimony of faith during the morning worship services at our church, Earle Street Baptist in Greenville. The topic of the message by pastor Jim Wooten was “When You Sit Down to Write, What Will You Say?” It was drawn from David’s writing in Psalm 27. Here, Israel’s great king expressed his confidence in the Lord as “my light and salvation” and then declared, “Whom should I fear?”
Don KirklandFive years ago, our daughter Angela lost her husband Doug to cancer. They had met in Germany, where she was a student and he was stationed in the Army. Later, he served with distinction in Operation Desert Storm, receiving a Bronze Star for his actions. He retired from the Army after 18 years, and he and Angela, and sons Preston and Jordan, established a successful and satisfying life in Mauldin, S.C. And then their lives were shattered by his illness and death. When our daughter sat down to write, here is what she said:
“My spiritual beginning was like those of many. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church on Sundays and Wednesdays. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 7 years old, and was then baptized. I grew up at Taylors First Baptist, where I was actively involved in GAs and choir. Outside of church, my parents always taught us right from wrong. They taught us mostly by example. They were testaments to their own faiths. I remember devotions with Dad and Jeff, my brother, every weekday before school. This pattern continued throughout my childhood and into adulthood.
“Immediately after college, Doug and I were married and moved to Fort Hood, Tex., where Doug was stationed. There we started our family, with Preston. There I focused on my new obligations as a wife and mother.
“When Doug retired, we moved to South Carolina to begin our new life away from the Army. Over the next several years, we worked hard getting grounded. And we did just that. By 1998, we had a nice home, good careers, and our second child, Jordan. We were going to Mauldin First Baptist, where I was teaching Sunday school. Everything was pretty much according to plan. We had it all under control.
“In July 2001, Doug was diagnosed with cancer and died 10 months later. All of a sudden my plan went right out the window. I had no idea what I was going to do as a widow with two young children. There seemed at the time to be no future for me. I was lost.
“But I had a great family and great friends on whom I leaned daily, hourly, and without whom I would not have survived. They carried me through a very tough time. And they mean more to me than I’m sure they know.
“During this time I also turned inward for support – support from Doug. During his illness, we spoke very frankly of the future. We knew what was going to happen. He told me that I had to be strong and that I had to take care of myself so that I could take care of our boys. He reminded me that even after he was gone, I still had a reason to go on. I reached into my memory for additional strength and courage which he had given to me.
“My family’s love and support, along with Doug’s words, helped me to resume my life as normally as I could.
“But all the while something was missing. My life lacked something – something beyond the loss of my husband. I tried desperately to fill the void with earthly things, but felt just as empty in the end. I didn’t know what I needed until a good friend taught me about true faith.
“I realized that throughout my life I had relied on myself, my family, my friends, and Doug’s memory, but not on God. I had always believed that he was real and that he was out there, but my faith had become a religion, a routine, a ritual. It had never been a relationship. I prayed, but I never really talked to God. I memorized scripture and Bible stories, but I never really got into God’s word. I acknowledged his existence and power, but I never really and truly trusted him with my life.
“So it is only in the last few years that I have really begun to know God on a more personal, intimate level. And I’ve learned so many things. I once heard someone say, ‘You have to love God for who he is and not for what he does.’ And I have come to realize that besides being an all-knowing, all-powerful God, he is also a father, a parent – and as parents do, he finds teachable moments to share with his children. Doug’s death was that moment for me. Through my loss I have come to know him, really know him, as my personal Savior. I know now that I must put him first and foremost in everything that I do. Doug’s death left me broken, but it is in my brokenness that God has begun to work and to make me into the person that he intended me to be.
“Romans 8:28 promises us that ‘- all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.’ This verse reminds me that, though everything will not always be good in my life, if I surrender to God completely and put him in the center of everything, then all things will be for my best according to his perfect plan for my life.”
For more from Don Kirkland, read his blog, “Thoughts Along the Way.”