Where to start? I am not really sure, as I am in a different place from a month ago. What I mean by that is spiritually I am in a different place, and I am not sure how best to put it into words. Have you ever felt so drawn to God but so far away that it seems the two are irreconcilable? If so, then you understand where I am in my journey with him. The good news is that the two are reconcilable; God is never so far from us that we are alone is this world.
Let me explain how I feel. I feel as though I walk through a dry riverbed each day. For the past few weeks, this is how my life feels. I wake up each day and labor in the hot sun to take step in front of step. On either side of me, I see the dewy grass that is sweet to the smell and soft to the touch, yet I can’t get there. I am stuck in the dry riverbed, and I can only look with longing toward the riverbank. Every so often, when I feel as though I can go no longer in this barren place, a sweet and refreshing rain comes. It only lasts long enough to give me strength to go on – but, oh, while it is there – the taste in my mouth and the refreshment it brings make me long to be forever in it. I don’t know how to leave my current place, and wonder if I can on my own. I wonder if there is some path I missed or some idea I have not tried.
A group of summer missionaries trek the Himalayan Mountains on their way to Mount Everest in Nepal. The Himalayan Mountains stretch across the northern part of the South Asia region, adding majestic beauty to the countries of Bhutan, India, Nepal and Pakistan.Then I remember that nothing I do on my own can remove me from this place; I must continue to move forward until it ends at its designated time. When that time is, only God knows. In waiting and continuing onward, I take peace in knowing that he is with me and watching over me. I know he has not left, for he sends me what I need when I need it. He has me in this place for reasons that are known to him and are for his glory. That is what gives me strength for each day and for however many tomorrows that may follow.
I have been humbled in how he is working. I often feel that because I am stuck in this dry place, his work ceases and he cannot use me. Praise the Father that this is not true. God has put me at this place to see him actively at work. I have the opportunity to be working with a doctor who confesses she is seeking him and His truth. I have been able to share truth with her, and I gave her the stories on tape in her language. It has been fun to see how he has brought this doctor to me through no doing of my own. I have been humbled to see how he wants to use me in spite of what I perceive as dry and difficult times.?
All I can really say is that it is a joy, a blessing, and a gift to be in a relationship with a God who loves me so much. It makes me speechless to know that he orchestrates our lives in such a way that he is glorified whether we are on the lush riverbanks or in the dry riverbed. I am honored that my God will never leave me or forsake me, and he chooses to use me at all times!
*Name changed for security purposes. Gruenwald* (of South Carolina) is a missionary apprentice serving in the IMB’s South Asia region.