“You’ve got to know that you actually do better if you hang in there.” With those words Diane Sollee, a marriage and family therapist, summarizes the point of an article published in August by Time magazine online, “In Marriage, Worse First Can Mean Better Later.” The article reports recent research which affirms that marriages can actually grow and thrive from stressful situations.
Bob WeathersThe focus of the research was the early years of a marriage, when the blissful couple is just getting used to married life. They are still dreamers, starry-eyed and na?ve. But then a crisis hits. Maybe sickness. Maybe a death in the immediate family. Maybe a financial loss. It tests their perseverance. How the couple handles this calamity makes the difference. And it can, in fact, be one of the most beneficial experiences of their lives.
Sure, bad situations can bring out the worst in people. Some people cannot handle an early demise of the “illusion of invulnerability,” as one psychologist calls it. Some couples divorce. Others fight each other instead of the problem. But for one-third of the couples surveyed, their marital crisis brought out the best in them and added mortar to their relationship. What makes such couples stand out? The researchers found that two key traits were always present in couples that grew stronger from a crisis: Mutual support and a willingness to sacrifice for the other person. Rather than pull apart and cast blame, they teamed up, undergirded one another, and stood firm, unwilling to let the travesties of life bring down their marriage.
The Bible teaches the value of perseverance, but we know it is a difficult character trait to instill. No one wants to endure hard times. But hard times will come, so we must learn endurance. So the Bible commands it of believers. To stand firm. To keep praying. To team up. Not to lose heart. (Luke 18:1; Romans 5:3-4; James 1:2-4).
Maybe you and your spouse are facing a crisis. It can either rip you apart or cement you together. It’s your choice. So band together. And trust God. Because it may be hard to see right now, but “you’ve got to know that you actually do better if you hang in there.”