As a successful insurance agent, Hank (name changed for privacy) was used to long days and hard work. As a Southern Baptist pastor, the long days and hard work never seemed to end. The very strategies he used to grow his business were the very things that helped him as a minister, but the difference was a lack of separation in roles. “We haven’t had any bad things happen here. I am learning you can overdo a good thing. There are no cutoff hours in ministry. There is always a crisis and I love doin’ it. I love being here. I love being the problem-fixer. Not knowing how to say, ‘No’ those are probably things I’m wrestling with right now.
Bill WestaferHank pointed to his head, “This don’t ever shut down. I can’t separate. I don’t stop thinking” He characterized the demands as the same as filling a cup. “You take that thing and you fill it up and there’s just been constant stuff being put in there and at some point when it gets to the top, it doesn’t take a whole lot to kick it over.” As a result, “I’m battling extreme anxiety and depression.” He travels two and a half hours to see a professional counselor.
He decided to seek professional help “when I decided to check out.” I asked him if he meant resigning from his church. “I mean check out of life. I found myself sitting in the dark for the last three hours, staring out the window, totally dumb and decided that I was done.” His wife and kids returned home in time to find him before he used a loaded gun.
When he visited a medical doctor he was asked, “Have you ever thought about killing yourself?” Hank said, “I just paused, I couldn’t, how was I gonna answer that? I’m a pastor of a church. I’m a pastor of a successful church. I have all the answers. How do I answer that?” The doctor diagnosed him as “highly depressed” and prescribed medications that did not work initially. He was referred to a psychiatrist who has been adjusting the medications with some success. This harkens back to his “extremely rough childhood” because “at eleven years old I had to grow up.” This was a painful memory for him as his speech slowed and he did not go into detail about his family history save for “mean, jail, drugs.” Exacerbating the problem was his “fear of turning out like that-scared to death.”
Hank attended a conference just a few months prior to this interview and heard a fellow pastor recount “a crash in his life.” This was an epiphany for Hank since the speaker “began to describe the first time what I had been experiencing and was afraid to say anything about it because I didn’t think they understood and I just began to bawl. I lost it. I mean I just lost it because somebody finally got what I was going through.”
He characterized the irony of the situation, “I mean I was running like crazy. I don’t burnout. Everybody else burns out, but I don’t burn out. And to see me here, right now and to hear things that’s coming out of my head and my mouth would never happen to me.” Except for his staff, “Nobody here has a clue,” but he needs the understanding of his congregation “or I’m probably not gonna be able to make it much longer.”
He characterizes himself as a strong believer in being “authentic.” However, he is not quite comfortable in sharing the details with his congregation. “This is the one issue that I haven’t felt yet that I’m prepared to get out there all the way.” He is not afraid to tell them that “I’m messing up” but “I’m just not ready to deal with it yet.”
Along with the personal issues with which he is wrestling and the responsibilities of his profession, he is also in the midst of a building project to accommodate his burgeoning congregation. His mantra in resolving the issues he faces has been, “I cannot get over that I know God called me.” He has a strong desire to finish the building project and continue in the ministry despite these complications. “I believe it’s a learning time.”
Hank was part of a study of pastors from different denominations to understand how they managed stress in their profession. How he learns to ameliorate his stress will largely determine how long he stays in the ministry and his quality of life.
Analysis of the data revealed six major stressors categorized as change, leadership, dissonance, crises, expectations, and loneliness. Several participants reported incidents where change they attempted to introduce was met with resistance by individuals or factions. Others struggled for the reigns of leadership, often occurring within the first two years of assuming the pastorate. Some encountered toxic congregants who seemingly were bent on undermining or discrediting the minister. Many dealt with role ambiguity and/or time demands in regard to internal and external expectations. Still more experienced one or more extraordinary events connected to their job that could be described as crises. Loneliness or isolation as a direct result of the vocation was expressed implicitly or explicitly by a number of participants.
Hank, along with the other pastors, mentioned various coping strategies he used. These were best practices implemented to mediate the stress of personal and professional experiences. Eleven strategies emerged. These are listed in descending order from those mentioned more frequently. They include: call to the ministry, family support, prayer, relationships (both inside and outside the congregation), retreats, Scripture consumption, recreational reading, seeing a counselor, exercise, a regular day off, and leadership development.
The first five listed were the ones quite common. The latter portion beginning with the regular reading of Scripture for devotional purposes, were mentioned more frequently by those with longer tenures. Those with the longest tenures had at least nine coping instruments and appeared better equipped to handle the stress. Further examination revealed there may be an association between the degree of stress, the number of coping strategies and the effects both have on whether clergy remain in a parish for an extended period of time or even remain in the profession.
One pastor emphasized, “Self-care is absolutely paramount. If I don’t take care of me no one’s going to take care of me and if I’m not in good shape then good am I to anybody?” Even though he feels the pressure of a growing congregation and his first building project, his divine call has spurred him not to quit. Despite his struggles in the profession, Hank stated, “I cannot get over that I know God’s called me. I have a confidence. There was a stake. It was driven in the ground ’cause I knew the time of doubt would come and that stake is in the ground and I know God’s in it.”
Westafer is pastor of First Baptist Church, Cowpens.