One of the greatest blessings of my life and ministry is when God brought me to South Carolina. My passion for South Carolina and the South Carolina Baptist Convention (SCBC) began more than 30 years ago while serving as summer youth minister in Hartsville. I love each church I have served and am grateful for the spiritual investment each has made in my spiritual journey.
Reading Monty Hale’s comments on “forced termination” (The Baptist Courier, July 8) has encouraged me to put a name and face to this disturbing dilemma – mine. From my perspective, I would like to share with those who know how real this pain is.
HuddlestonIn November 2007, I completed a mediation process conducted by the SCBC, which led to my voluntary resignation as senior pastor. I resigned, with no place to serve, in hopes this would improve the spiritual health of the church. There was no moral failure or a desire to bring this matter to a church vote where no one wins, especially the kingdom of God. Looking back, the mediation process allowed the church and me to end our relationship with some sort of dignity. In fairness to the church, I was not terminated and received a gracious financial settlement. Both I and the church must share the blame for the end of our ministry relationship. Needless to say, the negative stigma associated with this matter is almost impossible to overcome. It requires the pastor and church to reflect, repent, and resolve issues so this does not become a pattern of behavior. Our witness to a lost world is at stake.
According to the SCBC, 85 percent of pastors terminated are no longer in ministry, and some have no desire to return. Some of these men are my friends, and it breaks my heart. I am in no way condoning moral failure or leadership abuse. Monty cited “control” as a major factor in forced termination. If either the pastor or the church has a “my way or the highway” attitude, you have a formula for disaster. Innocent church members are forced to choose sides. Satan has a stronghold in the church and the kingdom of God suffers. True repentance of sin is a prerequisite for divine forgiveness and healing. Anything less is unacceptable.
Unless you have experienced termination or pressure to leave a position, you have no idea the pain it causes a pastor, his family, and the church he left. Many never get closure, which compounds the pain. Early in the process of healing, I had to make a major decision: “Am I going to be bitter or allow God to use my experience for a bigger purpose?” With His help, I chose the latter. Please do not get me wrong. I know what depression feels like. I understand the pain of rejection, being disconnected and wondering where your friends are. I have been blessed with friends who have walked with me along the way. I have dealt with anger and humiliation. Yet I know the freedom of forgiving those who will never ask and the confidence that true brokenness is necessary to experience God’s best.
To those hurting pastors, I would like to share some principles that have helped me in my healing process.
– Accept your role in the situation. There is enough blame to go around.
– Take time to grieve and reflect. Rejection is hard to accept, especially when it comes from a church.
– Don’t stay too long wallowing in self-pity. You may feel betrayed and alone. You’re not the only one who has walked, or will walk, this road. My prayer is that soon you will have an Elijah moment when God comes to you with love and a firm voice saying, “What are you doing here?” Tell Him! Then let God, with His loving heart and tender hand, begin a fresh work in you.
– Stay in constant fellowship with God through prayer, Bible study and true worship. Confess revealed sin to Him.
– Get the spiritual and emotional help you need. Confide in people you trust. Don’t shut people out, especially your family.
– Forgive as soon as possible. Forgive those who orchestrated the effort to remove you. Forgive yourself. Your spiritual integrity, maturity and healing are at stake.
– Trust God with your reputation. You cannot control what other people say and believe about you. Leave the truth with God.
– Take a trip back to your “Bethel.” Renew your commitment to God’s call upon your life. I am not a quitter, so I had to deal with guilt as a result of leaving my place of service.
– Believe God to open the next ministry door for you. It is His responsibility.
– Don’t take the emotional baggage with you to the next ministry assignment. It is not fair to withhold your love and trust in fear of getting hurt again.
– Use your experience as a platform to encourage others. God never wastes adversity.
– When you reach the other side of your valley (and you will), you will see the glory of God. You will be ready to testify that brokenness is the pathway to a true blessing from God.
The intent of this article is to present an honest view of this subject from one pastor’s perspective. I also want it to be an encouragement to others struggling with this issue. It is written with a prayer that pastors and churches will use a biblical approach to solving their differences so as to preserve their spiritual influence in the world.
In closing, I would like to thank Midlands Baptist Fellowship (presently, Crossroads Baptist Church, West Columbia) and Berlin Baptist Church of Wagener, where I currently serve, for allowing me to minister with them as transition pastor. God has used each church in my healing process and better prepared me for His next ministry assignment.