Being a pastor’s wife is often likened to living in a glass house.
Being a minister’s wife can be like living in a greenhouse, says NAMB consultant Kathy Litton.A better analogy might be a greenhouse, says Kathy Litton. You can wilt and suffocate under the heat and pressure, she said, but roots can run very deep and create something beautiful if properly nurtured.
Litton, a pastors’ wives consultant for the North American Mission Board, recently spoke at a pastors’ wives appreciation dinner during the annual meeting of the South Carolina Baptist Convention in Greenville.
The dinner launched a new SCBC ministry for pastors’ wives.
“Pastors’ wives are the largest hurting group in South Carolina,” said Monty Hale, SCBC director of pastoral ministries. “They have no one to talk to.”
He said the ministry started a few months ago, and the dinner was designed as a way to get it off the ground and introduce it to the wives.
“This is a chance to get together and debrief some of the stress,” Hale said. “[Pastors’ wives] take the brunt of everything.”
Susan Hogan, pastors’ wives consultant for the SCBC, said God is evolving the ministry and she is not sure where he will lead them.
“Hopefully [wives] can get together and support one another [and find] someone they can talk to confidentially,” she said.
Hogan said she would like to hold a couple of events a year as well as help facilitate small groups throughout the state and provide one-on-one support.
Litton said being a pastor’s wife comes with a great responsibility.
“Our influence can have a positive effect or a negative effect,” she said. “So many people are affected by what we do or say. We have eternal consequences to our actions.”
Beginning with Adam and Eve, one can see the power of a woman, Litton said. “Right out of the gate, we see the powerful influence of a woman,” she said. “In ministry, a wife can make or break her husband. Our influence may stir our husband to act. We may never know. That is a sobering thought.”
Andrea Goodroe, whose husband has been the pastor of First Baptist Church, Hartsville, for nearly 10 years, said she has been blessed with a mother-in-law who is also a pastor’s wife.
“She’s been there, done that,” she said. “There are struggles she’s been able to walk me through. The difficulty for me is that you are under a microscope. There are expectations put on a pastor’s wife – some realistic, some not.”
Goodroe said she is excited about the new ministry.
“Often times pastors’ wives will draw into themselves. Sometimes they don’t know who they can trust,” she said. “It is always awesome when you find people who genuinely care about you, love you and pray for you.”
Marianne McCoig’s husband has been senior pastor at Glenwood Baptist Church in Easley for the past 12 years. She said her biggest struggle is not having enough time.
“People have issues in their lives, and there is guilt over not having enough time for everyone – to do all the things you want to do,” she said.
The lack of time is also an issue for Julie Dry, whose husband has been an associate minister for nearly seven years at First Baptist Church, Spartanburg.
“People are broken and hurting, and you want to fix it, and only God can meet those needs,” she said. “We are his hands and feet, but we can’t do it all.”
Dry said the new ministry is a great way to help wives deal with the many pressures placed upon them.
“It’s great to be able to come to something like this and be with other wives. It’s a special time to get to have that fellowship,” she said, adding that she would like to “reach out to young minister’s wives and let them know they are not in it by themselves.”