It finally happened. I got my invitation to join AARP (the American Association of the Really Pooped, or something like that). It’s the autumn of life, and everything seems to be heading south.

My hair now comes out of my ears instead of the top of my head. There appears to be more sand in the bottom of the hourglass. My narrow waist and broad mind have started to trade places. That funny face that I used to make in the mirror when I was a kid — well, the mirror is now getting even.

My diet has changed. I can remember when bacon and eggs and sunshine were good for you. Now I eat cream of wheat, wheat crackers, wheat germ and wheat shrimp. I long for a cholesterol picnic of fried chicken. Somehow the enzyme that digests everything is gone.

I guess the psychological changes are what bother me most. I can still do a lot of things physically. I can still merge in traffic and drive at night, but I admit the gleam in my eye is usually the reflection from my bifocals.

What really concerns me is that I’m acting like I’m old. I drive around town with others and tell them what’s no longer there. I holler out gas prices. My dad used to do that, and I didn’t understand why. At a certain age you can’t go by a gas station without hollering out the gas prices.

I get the feeling I’m on Golden Pond and my boat is sinking. I’m not going to let it get to me, though. I can still walk down memory lane without getting lost. I’m going to enjoy the grandbabies. I love keeping them. It doesn’t matter that they get up five times a night — so do I. As a matter of fact, I told my wife since we get up five times a night anyway to go to the bathroom, why don’t we have a baby? The only problem is we would forget where we put it.

I admit my body has changed. My back goes out more than I do. But I’m not old. I’m “chronologically gifted.” I have experience. I may be a little over the hill, but I’m not under it. I’m going to enjoy life. I’m learning ways to look young. I sit in public and eat prunes. Since they are so wrinkled, I look great.

Getting older has benefits. People let me cut in line at the checkout counter. They think I’m having difficulty breathing. I’ve just had to learn to do some things to adjust. I need to clear my throat occasionally so the cleaning lady doesn’t dust me. There are a lot of other great things about growing older. I wish I could remember some of them. I do remember my body is wrinkled but my soul is fresh. I’m not going to give up. I’m going to look up. I’m not going to retire. I’m going to re-fire.

So when you see the glow in the sky coming from the west, it’s my birthday cake. People will stand around it to keep warm because heat is good for their arthritis. I want you to know that I will amaze my friends and blow out all of the candles, even if that sets off the smoke alarm. It’s going to be nifty to be fifty. Although my reflexes may be slow, I still have a lot of get-up-and-go. Like all great runners, as I finish the race, I’m picking up the pace.

— Charles Lowery is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. This article was adapted from his book, “Comic Belief.” For more information, visit CharlesLowery.com.