You’re the pastor, and you suspect that one of your deacons — a respected family man and a person of some influence in your church — is abusing his wife. You’ve seen some warning signs, but you can’t be sure. You don’t want to believe it could be possible — not in your church. In fact, you desperately want it not to be true. The last thing you want to do is confront someone who might be innocent. What do you do?

You’re counseling a married couple. You sense that the wife is not telling you everything, and she looks at her husband and hesitates before responding to your questions. You feel she is afraid to say some things in her husband’s presence. How do you handle the situation?

Statistically, one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. Many victims are active members of Southern Baptist churches, and a large number of them keep their abuse a secret.

In an effort to start a dialog among Upstate ministers and other faith leaders for the purpose of learning how to better respond to the often complex issues surrounding domestic violence, a roundtable luncheon will be held Sept. 29 at Hampton Park (Independent) Baptist Church in Greenville.

The event is associated with ManUPstate, a community-based movement that urges men to join the effort in eliminating violence against women and girls. ManUPstate is an initiative of Safe Harbor, a private, non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of domestic violence in the Upstate. Safe Harbor operates emergency women’s shelters in Greenville, Anderson and Oconee counties and offers counseling, legal advocacy and violence education.

“We need men to stand up with us,” said Becky Callaham, Safe Harbor’s executive director. She said men can hold other men accountable for being respectful toward women and can serve as role models for other men and boys.

Referencing a 2014 LifeWay study that indicated 42 percent of Protestant pastors rarely or never talk about domestic violence from the pulpit, Callaham said church leaders may be uncomfortable with the topic or feel they don’t have enough information to discuss it. Also, she said, pastors may feel they are indirectly addressing domestic violence within the context of broader biblical teachings.

Callaham hopes the Sept. 29 roundtable at Hampton Park Church will be the start of an ongoing conversation. Church leaders interested in attending the roundtable can do so by visiting manupstate.org and clicking on the email icon in the upper right corner.