Christian parents play an important role in shaping their children’s understanding of relationships. Below, I list relationship principles that Christian parents can teach their children to help them develop a biblical understanding of relationships.
God made us relational.
God created people to be relational (Genesis 2:18). This implies that everyone needs meaningful relationships. The English poet and cleric, John Donne (1572-1631), wrote, “No man is an island.” Teach your children that they need others.
Developing relationships takes work.
Developing relationships takes time and effort. Like a gardener who must spend many hours cultivating her flowers, so must your children work at developing meaningful relationships.
Be selective when choosing your closest friends.
Though your children will form many friendships, they must reserve their closest relationships for believers who are committed to Christ, for it is one’s closest friends who exercise the greatest influence over one’s Christian walk.
Note where people appear to be going spiritually.
Encourage your children to observe the decisions and patterns of behavior of those around them with a view toward where they appear to be going spiritually. Of course, no one can know the future of another. Nevertheless, your children should take a long view of their relationship with others. Trust me: Our future is determined by the company we keep.
Show discernment regarding others, but don’t be overly critical.
Stress the importance of showing discernment in relationships. Proverbs speaks of avoiding certain kinds of people (e.g., Proverbs 1:10-19; 14:16; 24:1-2) and pursuing other types of people (e.g., Proverbs 31:10-31).
People are not your path to personal success.
Teach your children that people are not their means to personal success.
All people are valuable and worthy of respect.
Scripture teaches that all people are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). In light of this, teach your children to value all people and treat them with respect, regardless of who they are.
Don’t become an arrogant Christian Pharisee.
Jesus often associated with spiritually messy people (e.g., Luke 15:1; John 4:7-30). In fact, He declared that He came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10). Encourage your children to follow Jesus’ example. He did not avoid sinners or look down on them. Rather, he reached out to them with the Gospel.
Help others in need.
In Matthew 22:37, Jesus teaches that the second great commandment is to love our neighbor as ourself. Also, the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-37) reveals that our neighbor is anyone within our sphere of influence in need.
Give careful thought and prayer to whom you will marry.
Your child’s relationship with his or her spouse is extremely important. In fact, the Bible describes the husband and wife relationship as the most intimate relationship one can have with its use of the phrase, “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). “One flesh” refers to the physical, emotional and spiritual nature of their relationship. Interestingly, no other relationship in the Bible is said to be a “one flesh” relationship. Your child’s choice of a spouse, then, is crucial, as it will influence their life in profound ways. Important traits to look for in a potential spouse include: one who loves God and others (Matthew 22:35-39), one who gives evidence of a growing relationship with Christ (e.g., reads their Bible, looks for ways to serve others in need, participates in a local church), one who models godly character, and one who has similar or compatible life goals.
Christian parents play a profound role in shaping their children’s perspective regarding major worldview issues. As a Christian parent, seek to teach your children biblical relationship principles so that they will bless others and honor God in their relationships.
— Michael Bryant is executive vice president and professor of Christian studies at Charleston Southern University.