Comic Belief: The Gift of Teenagers

What happened? You put them to bed normal, and they wake up weird. They become teenagers. They dress for school, and they look like a Groucho Marx comedy team. You meet their friends and you want to say, “Pick a gender and stick with it, and buy some pants that fit.” What do you do? Sell them to the zoo?

God gives us 12 years to love our children before He turns them into teenagers. If kids were born teenagers, we might kill them. God knew that, so He gave us 12 years to build a bond of love so when they are teenagers, even though we’d like to kill them, we don’t. God is smart.

Teenagers are hard to understand. When our daughter turned 13, my wife said, “I need a Bible verse to get me through the teen years.” If you look up “teenager” in the Bible, it isn’t there. I finally referred her to Luke 2:50, “And they [Jesus’ parents] understood not the saying which he spoke to them.” Penny was disappointed; she didn’t like my suggestion. I had to explain that Jesus’ parents couldn’t understand Him either. Everything was fine until He hit the teen years and didn’t go home from the synagogue with them. He decided to stay a few more days, with or without His parents. Don’t you know they were upset — or, in the King James Version, “wrought”? You think you have stress with your teenager? Think about poor Mary — she thought she had lost the Son of God.

I know I would have been wrought. The problem is, teenagers are half child and half adult. They say, “Don’t tell me what to do,” and 30 minutes later they ask, “What should I do?” Of course, I heard of one teenager who said, “No one is going to tell me what to do; I’m going to join the Marines.”

I’ve discovered it may be easier to be the teenager than the parent. Legend has it that one day St. Peter passed a blind man, and he healed him. He passed a lame man, and he healed him. He came to a man who was crying, and St. Peter asked him what his problem was. He said, “I’m the father of a teenager.” St. Peter sat down and wept with him.

We’ll try anything to control our teenagers. We even put words in God’s mouth. One father told his son if he would go to all of his classes, get all A’s and B’s, and cut his hair, he would buy him a car. At the end of the year, the teenager came in, showed his dad his report card and said, “I went to all my classes and got all A’s and B’s, and I want my car.” The dad said, “But, son, you haven’t cut your hair.” The boy said, “Dad, even Jesus had long hair.” And the father said, “Yes, and that’s why Mary and Joseph never bought Him a car. He had to walk everywhere He went.”

I know teenagers can be exasperating. For one birthday I received cuff links, and my teenager said, “I know they aren’t much, but that’s all you could afford.”

What do you do when you are the discouraged parent of teenagers? Remember first that they are God’s children, not yours. Also, remember that even God (the perfect parent) had problems with the first two kids (Adam and Eve). Get off your guilt trip. Remember that everything comes to pass; nothing comes to stay. The teenage years will pass.

Now, if these things don’t encourage you, then think of this and smile: One day your children will have teenagers of their own.