One of the hardest things in medicine is watching as adult children have to contend with the decline of their parents. It is always a time of adjustment and struggle for all parties when recently healthy, independent parents become incapable of functioning as before.
It seems only rational then to plan for that time. This planning obviously involves making financial provision for retirement and health insurance. It also means having wills and trusts arranged so children know what is left to whom. Fights over money, property and memorabilia are a dark legacy that we should never want to leave to our kids.
Over the years, I have seen that there are other things we should do, so our children will have fewer struggles when they have to assume the reins. One of the most important is to make timely adjustments to living situations.
Often, the house where we raise our children is not necessarily a good house for living in our old age. A house might be passed on to the children. It might be rented, so that it still stays in the family. Or, it might be sold to buy a cost-effective retirement home — especially since that big, wonderful house and yard might better serve a young family.
Further, the very attempt to keep a large home and do too much can result in frustration, anxiety, depression, and injury. I’ve seen too many seniors with severe injuries from ladders or yard work. The lives of our children may not be well-suited to helping us with mowing or tree-trimming.
Removing clutter makes it easier for older individuals to safely navigate and provides a lower risk of falling over obstacles. A house full of things treasured by parents may, in reality, be a house full of things the children don’t understand and simply give away. Stuff that matters should be given to loved ones earlier or accompanied by explanation. And, all the things that don’t matter? Get them out, sell them or do whatever seems right. But don’t leave them all for the kids.
Finally, as much as possible, I believe we should be geographically close to our families. It’s far easier to help or be helped from an hour away than from across the country. Anyway, time together is more important than a place with empty memories.
Growing old is tough. But a few simple things can make it easier for everyone.