An odd thing happened at my ordination council 48 years ago. As participants offered advice to me, a 21-year-old serving on a church staff and heading for pastoral ministry, one man’s counsel set off an inner alarm: “Don’t get close to your people.”
What? I thought pastoral ministry was about engaging people. How does that happen if you, as a pastor, don’t get close to them? I didn’t say that to him, but I thought it. I knew that was bad advice.
As the years have passed, I’ve eased up on my inner criticism of that pastor. He was wrong, no doubt, about that. But he spoke as a wounded man. The church he pastored lived in turmoil. Perhaps he caused some of it by his unwillingness to open his heart to his people. Or maybe he had been the object of criticism, neglected by the church, or watched his family get ignored by the church. Pastoral wounds often run deep. But there’s a better way for pastors and congregations to live together with joy.
Each congregation holds the God-given responsibility to encourage and support their pastor(s). What does it look like for congregations and pastors to thrive, not simply exist together? Let me offer three simple practices from the congregation’s standpoint toward their pastor(s).
ATTEND
We’ve all heard the exhortation from Hebrews 10:24–25: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (ESV). Here’s a pattern for churches: mutual participation in stirring up love and good works, while encouraging one another through faithful attendance in the church’s gatherings.
Does that require a lot from church members? Not really. This exhortation calls for living life together in Christ, gathering to worship and serve, and engaging with others in ways that promote spiritual vitality. The Lord calls for His churches to live in this manner.
While this participation influences every member, it especially affects pastors. I’m not exaggerating. In 44 years as a senior pastor, hundreds of times as I’ve prayed each week for our members, I’ve thought of individuals who desperately needed that week’s biblical exposition. I prayed for them to listen and apply it, anticipating that Sunday’s worship would be a boon to their souls.
Then Sunday came, and they were no-shows. My heart sank! That’s a lot of sinking in four-plus decades. On the other hand, when those members showed up and I watched their faces as the Word by the Spirit worked in their needs, my heart leaped.
Brothers and sisters, if you want to encourage your pastor, consistently attend the worship gatherings. You need the gatherings for your own soul. But you also need it as a God-given means to encourage the man who will give an account for your soul.
AFFIRM
In Hebrews 13:17, we find another help in serving our pastors: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” Pastoral ministry involves soul-care: watching, praying, ministering the Word, agonizing more in prayer, exhorting, admonishing, comforting, explaining, and more.
But what happens when members seemingly disregard the heart-straining work of pastoral soul-care? It’s like a dagger in the back of the pastor. He feels the weight of shepherding for those entrusted to his care. He knows his own weaknesses and inadequacies. He learns to cast himself upon the provisions of the Lord for pastoral work. And then, he grieves over the lack of hearing and responding to gospel ministry to the flock.
Affirm your pastor by not only being present but by preparing to hear the Word proclaimed. You do that by praying for your pastor daily, reading the biblical text he’ll be expounding, asking the Lord to teach you and apply the Word to your heart, listening attentively, jotting notes for further application, and then letting the pastor know that the Word got through to you.
You don’t need to gush over his sermon. But you can affirm his faithfulness in preaching Christ and thank him for ministering to your need. You might tell him how a specific point of the sermon captured your thoughts and moved you to love Christ with more intensity. Send an email, text, or note to express how the Word he spoke continues to affect you.
ACKNOWLEDGE
As a church member doing your part that leads to pastoral joy (Heb. 13:17b), include acknowledging your pastor and his family. Acknowledgments can come in a lot of ways. Here are a few that encouraged me.
• Send the pastor a short note to thank him for serving you faithfully. I’ve cherished handwritten notes with thoughtful comments that encouraged me.
• Send the pastor and his wife a gift card to enjoy a nice meal in a local restaurant. That may not seem to be a big thing in your eyes, but I assure you, it’s an encouragement to them. In pre-gift card days, one Thanksgiving week I answered a knock at the door, only to see one of our members holding a turkey by its feet and proudly presenting it to me. He had shot it that morning, so, feathers and all, he thoughtfully offered it for our Thanksgiving dinner. It wasn’t exactly what my wife had in mind, but the kindness from this fellow was appreciated.
• Speak to your pastor, his wife, and their children by name. If he’s relatively new in the church, please keep introducing yourself until he has a firm grasp of your name. Don’t overlook his wife. She needs to know that you care for her, pray for her and love her. Engage her in conversation. Talk with his kids. Some of my kids’ most memorable experiences as PKs are the interactions with certain adult members who always encouraged them. They still talk about how much they love those who did so consistently.
• Make sure that your church generously supports your pastor and his family’s needs. Be generous in the way you provide not just financial compensation, but also vacation and leave times. Be generous by providing study leaves and sabbaticals every five to seven years. It was many years before I had a sabbatical, but when it came, what an amazing gift, breathing freshness into my life! Generously do above cost-of-living raises. Generously contribute toward the pastor’s retirement fund. Generously take care of insurance needs.
• Make the effort to get to know the pastor and his family. Invite them to your home for a meal. Take them to lunch after church services. Ask them to join your family for a picnic or lake outing. Hang around after worship services to talk with them. Ask at those times how you can pray for them — and then do it, maybe even right on the spot.
You want your pastor to get close to the members of the church. Help him by attending faithfully, affirming through responding to the ministry of the Word, and acknowledging him and his family in thoughtful ways. “Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”
— Phil A. Newton (Ph.D., Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary) serves as director of pastoral care and mentoring for the Pillar Network after pastoring for 44 years, the last 35 at South Woods Baptist Church in Memphis, Tenn., which he planted in 1987. He is the author of several books, including “40 Questions About Pastoral Ministry,” “The Mentoring Church: How Pastors and Congregations Cultivate Leaders,” and numerous others. He also serves as an adjunct professor at Southeastern Seminary.