What an anxious and overwhelming feeling I had that afternoon while doing laundry. I didn’t know where to start as we contemplated sending our first child off to college … What is FAFSA? … How do we open a bank account for him? … And what about his ability to drive with so little city practice?
Then, after a quick prayer to God to seek His help and guidance, an inaudible but very clear voice prompted the thought: “One day at a time.” Wow! While a simple thought, it brought profound peace in that moment and in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
Sending your children off to college (especially your first) can be a stressful and emotion-laden time in life. But, if you allow it to draw you closer to God, He will give you the peace, clarity, guidance, and comfort you need to navigate this season of your life. Isaiah 26:3 has become a favorite verse: “You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.”
Leaving our oldest son at college, with all the uncertainties and distance, was a gut-wrenching experience that still elicits tears today. It’s not easy to see your child drive off as he leaves his crying siblings and parents behind to face the world ahead of him, knowing, “This is it.” Life will never be the same — I would fix seven plates instead of eight. His brother would have a bedroom without his brother. Camping trips and holidays would not be the same. But isn’t this what a parent has been tasked with by God? “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6).
When you recognize that your children belong to God and He is sovereign in their lives just as He is in yours, it is easier to let them go. Psalm 127:3-4 reminds us of this: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.”
Just like you would not hold on to an arrow, we must not cling to our children. Our job is to raise up our children “in the fear and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4) and then send them off. “You shall teach them [God’s truths] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:7).
My husband and I prayed regularly for wisdom in our parenting as our children were growing up. I wrongly assumed that once they were grown and off to college, I didn’t need to keep praying for wisdom as a parent. But as our kids went off to college, or adventured in another direction, we needed just as much wisdom then as we had needed when they were young.
We must, as parents, let go of our kids and recognize their adulthood as they are ready to leave home. If not, we stifle their spiritual, emotional, and mental growth. Instead of worrying about your young adult, PRAY for him! I encourage you to pray for wisdom in responding to your young adult child’s challenges and needs. See how the Lord works! Let Him guide you as you gently guide your child. But give your child the space and grace to venture out, fail, and pick up the pieces.
If you are getting ready to send your first child off to college, your transition (and theirs) will be a bit easier if you remember the following:
1. Instead of worrying about your child and the decisions he makes, pray for him! Pray that he makes godly friends, finds favor, and grows in his faith. Pray that God puts people in his path that will help him, disciple him, and guide him.
2. Instead of trying to control your child (and his decisions) — by the way, you can’t! — pray for him! Pray for him to persevere when things are hard, to flee temptation when it comes, and to establish good friendships that will encourage him when times are challenging.
3. Instead of trying to call him every day to check up on him, pray for him to find a good church and school activities to become a part of. Encourage him to get involved.
4. When you miss your child and you keep making an extra dinner plate, cry for a minute, then stop … and pray for him!
Enjoy the next stage of your child’s life — and yours as well! Now you can look forward to visiting your child for a college event. You can start praying for that “special someone” your child might meet. And you can enjoy your other children (and spouse) in a new light.
— Marilee Flook is a mother of six children, and principal at Tampa Bay Christian Academy in Tampa, Fla. She and her husband previously served as missionaries for 13 years with the IMB. She is currently pursuing a doctorate degree through North Greenville University.