The foundation of a healthy and productive society begins with marriage and the family, and the foundation of a healthy and productive church also begins with marriage and the family.
Everywhere you look in our world, you can see the persistent attack on these vital foundations. Nearly half (42 percent) of all first-time marriages end in divorce. This discouraging disintegration of marriage has birthed a myriad of social ills, generational poverty, increased mental illness, lower birth rates, a loneliness epidemic and less people in Sunday services.
Many churches fail to recognize the critical role marriage plays in the health of their congregations and communities. As J.P. De Gance, Communio’s founder, recently wrote, “Marriage is the most urgent ministry gap in the church today.”
Let me share some troubling research findings that bring that statement to light and show the connection.
A Barna survey found that 85 percent of American churches don’t allocate any ministry dollars to marriage and relationship ministries.
Also, nearly three-quarters (72 percent) of American churches do not have a significant marriage ministry, and 74 percent don’t have a ministry for newlyweds. Additionally, over 9 out of 10 (93 percent) don’t offer ministries for singles.
Now let me contrast that with one more finding. Four out of five (80 percent) people who regularly attend church grew up in a home where Mom and Dad stayed married.
These numbers represent real people with real lives who need real hope and direction. The more I dug into the marriage crisis, the more God began to build my passion for tackling this issue.
As a pastor myself, we always included marriage classes, retreats, and resources as part of our programming. Initially, these offerings focused on marriages in crisis or couples preparing for marriage. Rarely did we help good marriages become great.
But, a few years ago, we had a paradigm shift, what De Gance calls a “metanoia moment.” In the New Testament, the Greek term metanoia is used to signify a call to conversion and renewal.
We began to understand the connection between building healthy marriages and growing healthier as a church family. We discovered marriages in crisis within our community and focused on outreach beyond our church walls. We began hosting Date Nights, offering fun activities like group dance lessons and live bands, inviting unchurched couples to our church campus.
Our goal was for people to enjoy themselves and strengthen their marriages. We invited them to our marriage classes, without preaching or counseling. Following Date Nights, we offered classes on major marital issues, such as achieving freedom from debt (Financial Peace University), a marriage class entitled “Re-Engage” and a recovery class called “Re-Generation.” We wanted to be known as the church that builds healthy, happy marriages.
God blessed our efforts, and the community response was overwhelming. Many attendees were first-time visitors to our church, where our members meet these neighbors on campus in a positive first impression.
For First Burleson, focusing on marriage became an exciting way to reach our community, showing them that Jesus loves them, supports marriage, and that church can be fun.
Our approach encouraged members to invite friends struggling in their marriages to church services and small groups. We saw that when a church becomes intentional and strategic in nurturing strong marriages, they see strengthened families and increased faith.
The Bible teaches that the church is called to be the community hub of healthy relationships. Second Corinthians reads, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”
The gospel alone has the power to help and heal and restore relationships.
So what can church leaders do to address the family and marriage relationship crises? A lot more than we’re currently doing.
For singles, church leaders need to help them understand the sanctity of marriage. We can teach them this biblical truth from the pulpit and model healthy dating habits. We must share with them that who they marry is one of the biggest decisions of their lives, even bigger than college or career choices.
For those dating, churches must help couples assess their compatibility and to work with mentors before and after their wedding. Offer those premarital counseling sessions to people before they are engaged. Many couples enter marriage without adequate preparation, lacking the tools to navigate conflicts and build a resilient partnership.
For married couples, churches must continuously teach new skills to strengthen their relationships.
Churches need to intentionally foster environments where the biblical importance of marriage is celebrated and strengthened. In doing so, churches can become a source of hope in a society that often views marriage and family negatively.
— Ronny Marriott has served in Texas Baptist ministry for more than 35 years. He is the senior pastor at First Baptist, Richardson, Texas.