I listened to the burden of a pastor friend of mine who, through his broken heart, shared the story of a child who has strayed from faith. I have many other friends who tell the same story — they’ve devoted their lives to ministry, only to witness a child of their own take steps away from God. This opens up difficult questions:
Have I neglected my children in the pursuit of kingdom leadership? Am I still qualified to lead? What do I do?
Stop Blaming
“It’s my fault. I didn’t spend enough time, care enough, or do enough. I was too strict. I was too absent. I’m a bad parent. It’s the church’s fault for putting undue pressure on my kid. It’s the school’s fault, and it’s the friends I allowed my child to have.”
Did you fail to do something you should have done? Did you fail to train them in every way? Did your own shortcomings cause wounds in your child?
I’ve never met a parent who couldn’t answer yes to every one of those questions. There is no perfect parent — although every Mother’s Day, you’re still the “best mom ever.” Whether your adult or adolescent kids are walking with the Lord or not, one certainty remains: You did not parent perfectly — because no parent ever has.
Start Hoping
Hopefully, we have modeled God’s grace within our own failings — or maybe we failed at that as well. We are not perfect, and the only perfect parent is our Father in heaven.
Romans 5:5a states: “Hope does not put us to shame…” That beautiful hope is sourced a few verses later: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
You are an imperfect parent saved by grace, just as you have an imperfect child in need of the same grace. Stop dwelling on the shame of being imperfect, and instead dwell on the hope that comes from the grace found in Christ. As much as you desire for your child to walk in faith, there is One who desires it even more.
Just as in the poem by Francis Thompson, The Hound of Heaven, we can rest in the knowledge that God is on their path; though they may be working on their testimony, He’s after them like a hound on a rabbit’s trail.
Love Them — Unconditionally
Love them in a Romans 8:35–39 kind of way. None of us have earned God’s love. It’s unconditional. Every one of us had nothing good within us when we discovered God’s love through Christ.
If God’s love comes with no conditions, then our love for our children should be the same — completely unconditional. They need to know this, and more importantly, feel it. Even if they never make another good choice or live up to any standard we hold, they must be absolutely certain that our love remains unchanged.
Our love should never depend on their behavior, rule-following, moral choices, or even alignment with our beliefs — because God’s love doesn’t hinge on any of that.
Scripture teaches that the Good Shepherd is willing to leave the 99 obedient, faithful sheep just to seek out the one who has strayed. That’s the nature of God’s love.
And that’s the kind of love we’re called to show our children — a love that pursues them, no matter where they are or what they’ve done. Just like God does.
Pray Faithfully and Persistently
Trust that God desires salvation for your child and pray in line with His will. Don’t lose heart when change seems slow.
Scripture encourages believers to pray earnestly for others (1 Timothy 2:1–4) and to share the gospel with clarity and compassion (Colossians 4:3–6). Ask God for open doors to share Christ — clearly, wisely, and graciously — and to help you recognize and seize opportunities, whether during casual conversations or at family gatherings.
Even when words fail, your lifestyle speaks. Pray that your conduct reflects Christ’s love and truth. As 1 Peter 3:1–2 shows, godly behavior can have a powerful influence on your children.
In times of illness, loss, or crisis, pray for God to use those moments to awaken hearts to eternal truths. Grief often softens resistance and opens space for reflection. Be sensitive, but trust that God uses these seasons for His purpose (Psalm 90:9–12).
Pray for restoration. And when you don’t know what to pray, pray anyway. The Holy Spirit intercedes when words fail (Romans 8:26–27), and God hears the heart’s true desire — often answering better than we imagined (Ephesians 3:20).
Stand Firm in Hope
When your heart aches and your prayers feel unanswered, remember this: The story isn’t over. Not for you, and not for your child. The same God who called you, redeemed you, and walks with you today is still at work in their life — even when you can’t yet see it.
Let grace shape your response. Let love lead your actions. And let hope anchor your soul.
Because our God is a Redeemer — and He never stops pursuing the lost.
— This article originally appeared at the California Southern Baptist Convention site. Jason Blankenship is the team leader of evangelism at the California Southern Baptist Convention.