As I stood in front of the congregation, I jokingly thought, “This might be the only time I ever say, ‘I do.’”
No, I wasn’t getting married; I was joining a church. When I became a member, I said “I do” to the following commitments:
- Affirm that you have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and commit to nurture a relationship with Him through the life of this church?
- Commit to fellowship with and serve this church family for the purpose of sanctifying each other toward the likeness of Christ?
- Commit to pray for and foster relationships with those who don’t know Christ with the hope of sharing the gospel?
Many may presume that a commitment to the church is “second-best” to marriage. But it’s not. I’m overjoyed with my present “I do.” Here are three truths we can rejoice in as singles.
Belonging to Christ and His Church Is Eternal — Rejoice in What Marriage Represents
Belonging to the body of Christ is more “forever after” than marriage itself. Marriage isn’t the ultimate substance; it’s a symbol and foretaste of Christ and His bride the church (Eph. 5:22–33). Marriage is temporary, because life as it is now is temporary (Matt. 22:30). To be clear, marriage is a lifelong covenant on earth, but there won’t be marriage in heaven because we’ll be participating in the real thing, the ultimate marriage — which is God’s people joined to Him forever (Rev. 19:6–9).
Because marriage represents a far better and greater reality, Single Sister/Brother, this symbol is for you to think about too. It’s for me. It’s for all of us who are believers, who make up the bride of Christ, married or single. You don’t have to participate in the temporary picture to rejoice in what the picture actually represents!
You don’t have to participate in the temporary picture to rejoice in what the picture actually represents!
From the beginning, God wanted a people for Himself. And His people were His inheritance (Deut. 14:2, Gen. 17:7–8, Ex. 19:5–6, Lev. 26:11–12). The Israelites were supposed to be His special people, holy (set apart) from all the surrounding nations (Gen. 12:3). They were to be a light to the Gentiles … but they failed. In the Book of Hosea and throughout the prophets, God called their unfaithfulness to Him “whoredom.” He likened His relationship to them as being their husband, and He took personal offense when they worshipped other gods (Hosea 2, Is. 54:5–8, Jer. 3:1, Jer. 31:31–34, Ezek. 16:8, 15–22).
Still, God rescued His people over and over again. And then when the time came, Jesus was born of the virgin Mary, and Jesus fulfilled the greatest rescue in the history of mankind when He died on the cross, was buried, and rose again. He won over His bride. “He got the girl!” He bought us (His bride, the church) with His blood. He fulfilled all the prophecies written in the Scriptures foretelling His coming. We are His inheritance!
And, in Christ, that’s fulfilled. Single Sister/Brother, if you’re a believer, we are part of that story — the greatest rescue story, love story, pursuit, and upcoming future celebration of all time.
It’s helpful to think about our relationship with God in light of marriage. That may sound weird for singles, but thinking, pondering, and rejoicing in the symbolism of marriage is a very real way for us to internalize and imagine how much God loves us, and how He thinks of us as His bride. He rejoices in us (Is. 62:3–5).
Thinking about marriage can push us to revel in our future eternity with the Groom. It’s like the longest engagement ever, but we can’t wait!
God’s Love Is Covenantal — Revel in It
I used to be skeptical of God’s love for me. My best friend Jordan is one of those girls who fully embraces the love of God and rejoices in it. I, on the other hand, have been known for being “cautious” over any theology that makes me feel good or sounds too good to be true. I can believe in the wrath of God, or that He’s angry with me, but that He rejoices over me? Is that just a feel-good, egocentric, comfortable, Vacation Bible School way of looking at God (no hate on VBS intended)?
No, God’s love is not a cheap, make-you-feel-good kind of love. It’s a powerful, steadfast, covenant-keeping kind of love that went so far as a Father giving His only Son to die for horrible, wretched sinners like me, and you.
Meditating on how much God loves us —and even how He delights in us — is far from egocentric, because His love is so grand that it points us right back to Him in praise for His glorious grace (Eph. 1:6).
It’s not a cold and calculating kind of love; it’s a pierced and bleeding kind of love. Meditating on how much God loves us — and even how He delights in us — is far from egocentric, because His love is so grand that it points us right back to Him in praise for His glorious grace (Eph. 1:6). And His love also pushes us outward to love others.
And marriage is a reflection of that.
So, when we experience the love of God, the covenant that He has made with us, we’re not participating in a metaphor — we’re participating in the real thing. And you don’t have to get married to experience that kind of covenantal love. In Christ, you already have it (John 15:9–11)!
When we’re kids, we learn that “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” We should foster that childlike faith. Jesus said in Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Yes, we must enter the kingdom of heaven like a child (Matt. 18:3). Jesus desires simplicity and humility from His followers. I believe God loves me. Why? Because the Bible tells me so. End of story.
But, there’s another way of looking at God’s love. There’s a way of understanding God’s love in a deep, rich, intimate, overwhelming kind of way. There’s a “mature” symbol that helps us understand God’s love. And that is the picture of marriage. The picture of marriage can help us comprehend His love that is so deep and wide (Eph. 3:14–19). And perhaps married folk have a far greater understanding of the selfless, difficult, and sacrificial nature of that kind of covenant love. But as singles, we need look no further than the cross, where He proved His love for us — a love that, as His enemies, we did not deserve (Rom. 5:6–11).
The Purpose of Marriage and Singleness Is Christ — Reorient Your Hope
The purpose of marriage is not self-gratification or self-completion, but it’s to honor Christ and reflect God’s steadfast covenant love that He has with His people. I’ve seen this beautifully modeled by countless faithful couples. And if I ever get to participate in this symbol, then I’ll rejoice in that gift, and, Lord willing, be deeply sanctified by the difficulties that it brings.
The greatest love we can ever know isn’t intimacy with a spouse; it’s intimacy with God Himself and with His people.
But while I’m free from such a commitment, I’ll rejoice in the covenant that God has made with His church, where I belong.
Belonging to Christ’s bride, the church, is eternal. These are the brothers and sisters that we will be with forever. And we will forever be joined to Christ. This is a glorious truth for both married and singles to rejoice in. But I think for singles, being reminded that we belong to Someone and to an eternal family just hits a little deeper.
The greatest love we can ever know isn’t intimacy with a spouse; it’s intimacy with God Himself and with His people.
What? A sinful human being having fellowship and deep connection with a Holy God? How incredible, how marvelous, how extravagant is that! And unlike marriage, that will pass away upon entrance into eternity; intimacy with God will last forever. Let. That. Truth. Sink. Deep.
Marriage isn’t the point. Christ is. Singleness isn’t the point. Christ is. Marriage won’t be around forever, but the church’s union with Christ will.
Look Ahead With Eager Longing (Rom. 8:18–39)
It’s not wrong to desire marriage. Marriage is a good gift. And living a holy, celibate lifestyle can be extremely challenging. But we need to remember not to hyper-fixate on earthly marriage, when there’s a far greater reality that it points to.
The “I do” that we say with Christ and His body the church will truly end with … And they lived happily ever after (Rev. 21).
We don’t have to participate in the marriage symbol in order to enjoy the real thing that marriage symbolizes: union with Christ. We can rejoice in the reality of our future hope — that great day when Christ’s bride, the church, will be united with Him forever in paradise. If you’re a believer, that union between Christ and His church has already begun. Enjoy the intimacy with God that Christ makes possible and become a faithful member of a local church where your belonging is actualized.
And married folk, if your marriage is hard, and filled with problems, if your hopes and dreams have been dashed, let the real thing — the future marriage supper of the Lamb — motivate you to endure.
The “I do” that we say with Christ and His body the church will truly end with … And they lived happily ever after (Rev. 21).