Not everyone in ministry is married — whether it be pastoral ministry, a deacon, a pastoral assistant, a missionary, an intern or a resident. That being said, not all singles in ministry have an official position. Every member, whether married or single, is a valuable member of the church and is called to minister in various ways (1 Cor. 12:12–27).
We often don’t have a lot of writings on how singles bless the church or on ways that they could invest themselves in the local church. As a single guy who’s served in various ministerial roles for almost a decade; I want to offer a couple of habits that have helped me thrive in ministry as a single. These habits have helped me see and cherish Jesus better. And I hope these practices will also help other singles in ministry.
If you are a single brother or sister in a local church, pray and seek ways to be involved in this way in your church. If you are married, encourage other single saints to serve Jesus. We need one another.
1. Root yourself in the local church — One of the greatest lessons in my life has been the importance of committing to the local church. You may say, “Duh, of course I knew that.” But we can underestimate how much we belittle the impact of a healthy local church relationship in our lives. Sometimes as singles, we don’t see the importance of rooting themselves in a local church because we think that a family or marriage is the benchmark for when our real ministry begins — when in reality, Scripture never makes that claim.
The local church is a living organism where our living God transforms people from different backgrounds. We, the singles of the living God, are also part of the body that God has put together for the edification of each other. Do not miss the opportunity to bless the body by investing yourself in an assembly of believers. Look for a healthy church where you align doctrinally and where you see opportunities for your gifts to be used. Become a member of a solid church. Learn, teach and always be ready to ask how can you can serve.
2. Invest in married couples — Unpopular opinion here: Singles can disciple, invest and bless married couples through mentorship and doing life with them. It’s a blessing to find people who are in a similar stage of life as us with whom we can share similar life experiences. But it is detrimental to our growth not to invest our lives in people who are different than us.
The Apostle Paul argues in 1 Corinthians 12:14-20:
“For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.”
The uniformity of our faith in Christ expresses itself through the diversity of the body joined together. This means that a conscious view of God’s rule over our church will lead us to see our fellow brothers and sisters as gifts to us. We both give and receive grace from one another.
The Lord has blessed me with opportunities to serve couples through premarital and marriage counseling, and currently I’m discipling a married couple by going through a book of the Bible. They are learning from me and I am learning from them.
Maybe you have opportunities to babysit a married couple’s kids, or you could host them for dinner, or maybe you can just reach out and ask: How can I be a blessing to you this week?
Do not underestimate what faithfulness to Jesus and love for others can do as we point each other to the cross despite our season of life.
3. Be selective with your time — It is easy for many to think that because we are unmarried, we have more time to do everything and anything. Sometimes this can dilute the quality of the ways we could be investing our time.
Have this in mind, Ephesians 5:15–16 says:
“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
Do not pack your time with mindless activities or things that give you a sense of worth. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have hobbies or goals. But ask yourself these questions:
- Does my calendar reflect my love for Jesus?
- Are all the activities in my calendar necessary for my life?
- Who could I be serving during this season?
One way to set healthy metrics on how you are investing your time is by talking to your pastors, leaders or a mature saint who can help you navigate your schedule. But do not be afraid to ask the question: How could I be helping? What skills could I learn to help my local church?
4. Have healthy friendships with the opposite gender — Having healthy friendships with brothers and sisters does not necessarily mean that this will escalate to a romantic relationship. Honor one another and know of each other’s lives in an appropriate way acknowledging that God has put you guys in the same context to cherish Jesus together. Brothers and sisters that learn from one another and respect one another are a testimony to the world of the uniqueness of the Christian life (Tit. 2:1-8).
Be a brother to the sisters and a sister to the brothers in the way you serve and care for one another. Fellowship with one another and use each other’s gifts to bless the other person.
One time I met a girl at church who came by herself and I was able to quickly point her to a few sisters whom I knew were going to be able to connect with her. Knowing each other helps us to be arrows to direct others to saints that can be a blessing to them.
5. Be true to your season and calling — Navigate your desires truthfully and transparently. Be honest if you think that the Lord has called you to singleness or your desire is to get married. Do not use the word “contentment” as a way to hide your genuine desires to be married or make an excuse for your singleness. Be honest and navigate those desires with fellow believers.
Contentment is not suppressing our desires so people will not think we aren’t desperate. Contentment is acknowledging our desires, while at the same time accepting that God knows when it is best to grant us our desires, have us wait or withhold them from us.
Trust in God’s sovereignty as you navigate those desires within your church community. Share wisely with mature people your desire to get married. But at the same time trust the Lord’s provision for your life. This can also give others an opportunity on how they can pray for you as you trust Jesus with these things.
Dear single brother or sister, invest your life on things that matter on earth. Paul was single and advised the singles in the church to invest their lives in the Kingdom so they can give more to the things of God.
Do not think that marriage is a benchmark for ministry that you have to reach but use what season you’re already in for the kingdom.
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:1–2).
— Edher Cavero graduated from the Evangelical Institute of Greenville and serves as a pastoral assistant leading the Hispanic ministry at Christ Fellowship Cherrydale, in Greenville, S.C. He previously served at Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Va., and Park Baptist Church in Rock Hill, S.C.