6,570. That might seem like a large number; however, when you look at it as days, it is but a drop in the bucket. It is 18 years to be exact. That’s roughly how long parents have with their children living at home with them. Here is another one: 940. That is how many Saturdays you have with your child before their 18th birthday. Throw into the mix that kids are at school for six to seven hours a day, not including if they participate in after-school programs, sports teams or any kind of extracurricular activities. Time spent with our children is very limited and precious. Are you wasting the time you have with your children?
Have you ever been to a restaurant and looked around and seen a whole family on their devices? Maybe the younger child is watching a show on their tablet, while the older child is scrolling through Instagram or TikTok, the mother is texting her friends, and the dad is replying to his emails or checking the scores to the big game. Since our time is so limited with our children, we must make sure that we have the right priorities with our time and are intentional with how we spend it. One of the top priorities that parents should have is to disciple their children.
Hold on a minute … I thought that was the church’s job? God has called parents to disciple their own children and for the church to come alongside and equip them for the work. This is why it is important to be a part of a gospel-centered and discipleship-minded church. A lot of parents don’t know where to start because they were never discipled themselves or might not even know what discipleship is.
What Is Family Discipleship?
Before we can understand what family discipleship means, we must understand what discipleship is. A disciple is someone who has come to saving faith in Christ and devotes their life to following Jesus. Discipleship is the ongoing process of daily becoming more and more like Jesus through studying His Word and His teachings and intentionally building relationships with others to bring them along on the journey.
This is a calling all Christians have; it’s not just for the “super Christians” or the pastors. Jesus shares His final command to His disciples in Matthew 28:19–20, which states, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age.” This might seem like an impossible task; however, Jesus promises that He will be with us on that journey. We could never do this in our own strength. How amazing is it that the Creator of the world asks us to take part in His mission!
Scripture also teaches us that parents have been given the primary responsibility of discipling their children. In Deuteronomy 6:4–9, Moses calls the Israelites to make family discipleship a part of their everyday lives. Deuteronomy 6:4–9 states, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Christ calls parents to teach their children about Himself and the gospel. He urges parents to fill their homes with Scripture and with God’s love. This is not something that should happen every once in a while when we feel like it, or for a special holiday. Discipling your children should be a daily part of your life. It is the most important calling and job you have as a parent.
Parents can model God’s love and character every day in the home. If children see true faith and Christlikeness lived out and modeled, it will change their life. So many young people are leaving the church and leaving the faith. Why is that? A big part is because they never received a good consistent and scriptural foundation for their life. However, in Proverbs 22:6, it states, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Parents should take seriously the call to disciple their children. Ephesians 6:1–4 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Christ calls fathers to be the leaders of the home and to provide God-centered discipline and teaching of the Word and the Lord.
What Role Does the Local Church Play?
Parents should be the primary disciple makers to their children. However, this does not mean that the church plays no part in it. The church’s job is to come alongside parents and encourage them and give them resources.
You cannot pour into someone else if you aren’t being filled. You must be poured into yourself! Being surrounded by other individuals who are in the same phase of life and parenting as you is important. Accountability and community is life-giving. Christ did not call us to live life on our own. Join a small group where you can encourage each other and spur each other on. It is also important to build relationships with veteran parents. They can come alongside you to disciple you and give any advice that you may need. Parenting is tough right now, especially in this digital world we live in. There are so many more obstacles that our children face today than we did growing up.
Churches can also help you find good resources and materials. There are so many different books, podcasts, and curriculum out there. Your pastors, elders, or small group leaders can help you determine if they are biblically sound. You want to make sure that everything is rooted in Scripture and does not conflict with what it says. You do not want to bring in devotions for your kids that will push them further away from Christ.
Here are a list of some good books on family discipleship:
Here are a list of some good resources for a family devotional:
- The Biggest Story Family Devotional by Crossway Publishers, Douglas Sean O’Donnell, Kevin DeYoung and Don Clark
- The New City Catechism for Kids: 52 Questions & Questions for Our Hearts and Minds by Kathy Keller
Where Do I Start as a Parent?
The first place to start is ensuring your home is a place where Christ is honored and glorified above everything else. We must proclaim Jesus and the gospel in both good circumstances and bad.
Do you model consistency to your children? Are you the same person outside of the home as you are in the home? Do your actions model what you are teaching? Children can read a liar or a hypocrite from a mile away. If you do not take your faith seriously, why should they? Children are like sponges; they soak up everything around them. If you do not care about what you believe, then they won’t either. Whereas, if you have a passion for following after the Lord, then they will be attracted to that and want to copy it.
We also must practice and teach our children spiritual disciplines. Spiritual disciplines are habits that we incorporate in our daily lives to help us become more like Christ. We can model spending time in God’s Word and praying. Let your children see you read your Bible. Not only should you read your Bible on your own, but you should also read it as a family. Have family devotions. This is a great way to start that habit for your children. Pray with your kids and for your kids. Do you pray for your spouse and your children daily? Do you pray for the salvation of your children? Prayer is powerful, and God hears our prayers. Teach your children how to pray. Teach them how to come to God in every circumstance. The world is telling them to run to people, drugs, alcohol, relationships, and many other things for fulfillment. Teach your children that God is the only thing that can truly satisfy our soul.
Another big part of family discipleship is teaching your children how to worship. Let your children see you serve in the church and the community. Let your children see you sacrificially giving. Let your children see you worshipping God with praise and paying attention to the sermon by taking notes. Your children might not understand everything they see, but it will build up a habit and routine in their hearts.
The task of discipling our children may seem overwhelming. However, we have hope that Christ enables us and helps us to accomplish this task. We can’t do it on our own, but with Christ’s help and lead, we are able — not in our own strength, but wholly in His.
Jordan’s love for God and His people began when she grew up as a missionary kid in Central and Eastern Europe. She serves as the director of Children’s Ministry at Five Forks Baptist Church, Simpsonville, S.C. Jordan is pursuing an D.Min. in Next Generation Great Commission Studies from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary where she earned a master’s degree in counseling.