When you have a large family, there are certain questions and comments you receive so frequently that your response becomes almost robotic. Some are kind, some are silly, some are a bit intrusive, and some are downright offensive. But every so often you are struck with a question that is deeply impactful. One such question was asked to me shortly after I announced the pregnancy of our fourth child. “How will you know when you are done?” Unlike the former questions I was asked, I didn’t have a sweet and simple answer for this one. Despite knowing we wanted a big family, I hadn’t given much thought to how I would know I was “done”; we were simply being faithful to do what we believed was the next right thing. After a few moments of thought, I answered, “I believe the Lord will either close my womb or close my heart.” I didn’t know the deep pain, yet the complete trust, I would later feel when those words echoed in my heart.
God Rewrote the Plan
I didn’t know it then, but in the fall of 2023 I saw two faint pink lines for the final time. Despite being a little surprised by the timing, we rejoiced at the new life that would be joining our family the following summer. The months that followed were filled with the ordinary tasks of our lives: homeschooling, sports, and church life — in addition to preparing for a new baby. I saw my midwife regularly, took care of myself physically, and, most importantly, prayed for the upcoming birth. James 4:13–17 teaches us to make our plans faithfully, but to hold them loosely, knowing our lives are ultimately in God’s will. Like most of my previous pregnancies, we planned to have this newest baby at home while being prepared for the possibility that things may not go according to plan. I was, however, blissfully unaware of how a change in plans could be so life-altering.
The night our daughter was born was equally the most sorrowful and beautiful picture of God’s sovereignty. After several hours of labor, a sudden and serious complication made it clear this birth would not unfold as expected. My midwife quickly and calmly confirmed our baby was still alive, but wisely advised an urgent transfer to the hospital, knowing her life and mine were in peril. As my husband rushed us to the hospital, we cried out to the Lord in utter desperation, trusting in the words of Romans 8:26, that the Spirit himself was interceding for us.
Shortly after our arrival, our daughter was born unresponsive and was quickly whisked away to be resuscitated while I was hemorrhaging. It was later confirmed that I had experienced a placenta abruption — one of the deadliest obstetric complications, causing our daughter to be deprived of oxygen for several minutes before her birth. By God’s grace, we both survived, yet I was left with the trauma of seeing my daughter’s lifeless body be rushed away and the grief of losing the peaceful home birth I had envisioned. In the midst of my struggle, a sweet friend reminded me of Lamentations 3:22–23, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.” She shared her prayer for me, which became the prayer I had for myself, that in the midst of my grief, I would see the Lord’s mercies and faithfulness each day.
Sovereignty Through Suffering
Before our daughter’s birth, sovereignty and providence were just words on a page — doctrines I had come to know and accept in my mind, but ones I didn’t truly understand in my heart. I knew that God was sovereign over my life, but I learned to surrender to that sovereignty in an entirely new way. Her birth and the months following painted a beautiful picture of the depths of God’s love and will in my life in the midst of tremendous heartbreak.
Sovereignty and providence are two sides of the same coin. Sovereignty is God’s supreme right and ability to do whatever He pleases, and providence is His sovereign purposes in action. The Bible is clear that nothing is outside of God’s control and purpose. Romans 8:28 teaches that God works all circumstances together for our good. False teachers in the prosperity gospel movement wrongly interpret this good as health, wealth, and happiness. But rightly understood, this verse means God will work all circumstances together to conform us closer to the image of Christ. Bad things still happen, and most times those bad things won’t feel or seem good in the moment. There may be real suffering and grief that accompany the events in our lives, but we can trust that everything that happens is within God’s divine providence.
Providence Hidden in Pain
Due to the nature of her birth, I chose to follow up with the OBGYN who attended my delivery. If you knew me, you’d know this was entirely out of character. For five of my seven pregnancies, I was out of the medical system entirely, choosing to exclusively seek midwifery care. But this time was different. This doctor treated me with such compassion and dignity that I believed I could trust her with my care. This singular decision quite literally changed the course of my life. In the following months, she continued to show the same diligence and patience she had shown the night of my daughter’s birth. She thoroughly investigated concerns that other physicians had previously overlooked or ignored. Her persistence ultimately led to a diagnosis of microinvasive cervical cancer. I was a 34-year-old mother to seven, facing the diagnosis everyone fears.
Looking back, I cannot help but see the providential hand of God at work. I know my complications, though serious and painful, weren’t by accident. I know it was no coincidence that she was the doctor on call the night of our daughter’s birth. It was by God’s divine appointment that she was born when and where she was, in the exact manner she was, to bring me where I desperately needed to be. I couldn’t see it then, but the moment that caused me so much grief would bring me life.
Later that year, after much prayer and exploring several treatment options, my husband and I decided a hysterectomy would be the wisest choice and provide the best chance of full remission. While I was at peace that we were making the right choice, the weight of all I was losing and the finality of this choice challenged how I viewed God’s sovereignty. Why was this not caught earlier? Why did I have to have cancer at all? Did I make the wrong choices in the past with my medical care? Had my own sinful choices caused this? Like Job, I found myself wrestling with questions I could not answer, yet learning to trust that “the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). While we are responsible for making wise choices and bear the consequences of those decisions, the outcomes of our lives are never dependent on our ability to choose perfectly. Scripture teaches us that God “works all things according to the counsel of his will” (Eph. 1:11). No human decision can thwart God’s sovereign decree. Despite my grief, I could trust that my future was in the hands of a faithful God who governs every aspect of my life.
God’s Grace Through His People
Part of the beauty of God’s providence is His use of the church in His perfect plan. In the months following my diagnosis and surgery, God used His people as a means of grace in our lives. Our family, friends, and church body faithfully prayed for us, encouraged me in moments of doubt, and served us both physically and financially. When I had a life-threatening complication after surgery and needed to return to the hospital, two friends stayed with my children all night, an elder and his wife rushed to the hospital to be by our side, and my family sat in the parking lot of the hospital, unable to come in, but faithfully praying for us. Countless friends and family brought us meals and helped care for our home and children while I recovered. I witnessed the church faithfully living out Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” God’s sovereignty does not make the work of people unnecessary. Rather, God often accomplishes His purposes through the obedience of His people.
Through their care I was reminded that the church is not a building, but individual believers united together in Christ. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12:26, “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” The Lord, in His providence, could have chosen countless means to sustain us during that season, yet He chose to do so through the faithful love of His people. Their service remains a beautiful reminder of God’s care and faithfulness in one of the most difficult seasons of our lives.
As I reflect back, my answer was right, but incomplete. The Lord did choose to close my womb, but not in the way I would have liked or expected. I don’t think my heart will ever not ache for more children. Pregnancy, birth, and motherhood have been such gifts to me. But through this journey, God has taught me that trusting in His plan doesn’t require perfect understanding of His purposes. I can trust that the same God who opened my womb to seven beautiful children on this side of heaven is the same one who ordained to close it. Faithfulness is not found in grasping tightly to the plans we have for our lives but in surrendering them to the One whose plan is perfect.
— Lauren Smith is a member of Abner Creek Baptist Church in Greer. She and her husband, Chris, have been married for nearly 15 years, and they have seven children.