“Shall we try for 75?” I asked my Ed.
We were observing our 55th wedding anniversary about as quietly as one could observe something without being comatose. I met Ed at my front door as a blind date on the first Saturday of October. We became engaged in December, married in May, and the first baby came the following February.
So today, when so many marriages end in divorce, instead of writing about those 2,800 Sunday Dinners I have prepared, I will share with the current crop of brides and grooms, including our grandson Jay and his sweet Mollie, some info about marrying and staying married.
1) Have similar backgrounds. I grew up on a farm in Georgia; my Ed was a farmer in South Carolina. We were both Baptists, of the same political affiliation, and had an equal educational level. We believe in community involvement and doing good stuff.
2) Support each other’s interests. During the 30 years my Ed was in the state legislature, I helped with his campaigns and answered a lot of telephone calls. He built for me a gazebo, a grape arbor, and a brick wall that I wanted.
3) Don’t say anything unkind about the other’s family. Even if the spouse agrees with you, he/she doesn’t want you to say it. And never, never, never say anything judgmental about the other’s mother.
4) Be polite to each other. The “pleases” and “thank-yous” are not only for elementary-school-age young people.
5) Respect each other. Don’t yell. No matter how irritated a person is, his/her position can be stated in a calm, controlled manner. Occasionally I have overheard a husband or wife say terribly cutting things to the other in public. I wonder what they say privately. You know, once the words are said … .
6) Don’t criticize. If something needs to be said, say it in a positive, helpful way. If you want to tell someone to go jump in the lake and phrase it nicely, he may be willing to do so. Try not to blame your spouse for something that happens. Many situations can be corrected. If they can’t be, accept them.
7) Develop trust; don’t flirt. Whether in matters of the heart, money, behavior, or truthfulness, each spouse should have complete confidence in the other, whether in the next room or on the other side of the world.
8) Go to church. On the third Sunday after we married, I moved my membership to my Ed’s church, which his grandfather had helped organize more than 60 years earlier. We went to worship services, Training Union, Sunday school, WMU, RAs, GAs and VBS. When our children left home for college campuses, they varied from 13 to 17 years of perfect attendance in Sunday school. They still go, although we have lost two to the Presbyterians.
9) Rejoice together in joyful times and comfort each other in the sad times. There will be heartbreaking days. During our years, we have lost my Ed’s mother, my father and mother, a son, and a grandson. It’s all right to cry, and an arm around the shoulder helps.
10) A marriage is a business contract as much as a romantic one. Both husband and wife have responsibilities which are as different as there are marriages. Whether those responsibilities are working away from home, operating a business or office, being a homemaker, rearing children, serving in the military or going on a jaunt to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, each should do his/her job. Don’t be lazy.
The Lord has blessed us exceedingly as we have honored and worshipped him. We are both in good health, and had six perfect children (although their spouses may not always agree with the adjective).
It has been a good 55 years.
And, yeah, I’m looking forward to the next 20.