In 2001, Geoff and Debbie Hammond were gathered in a Richmond area hotel with other members of the Southern Baptist Conservatives of Virginia (SBCV) staff after a hurricane left their homes without electricity. (Geoff Hammond was serving as the convention’s associate executive director.) A discussion began about the Virginia convention, Virginia Baptist churches, pastors, and pastors’ families.
“In that hotel, nine years ago, we came to this conclusion: By building strong marriages and homes, husbands would be stronger pastors to lead the church, and then the church would be stronger,” said Debbie Hammond, now living in Columbus, Ga., where her husband serves as an intentional interim pastor. “Strong churches make a strong convention.”
“We decided to focus on staff wives instead of just pastors’ wives,” she said. Staff Wives Affecting Tomorrow (SWAT) was born.
Now it is also being born in South Carolina.
Mary Ann Matthews was a co-laborer with Hammond in the launch and work of SWAT. Mary Ann’s husband, Don, was on staff at the SBCV and is now director of church health and revitalization for the South Carolina Baptist Convention. Through his office, SWAT is an emerging ministry of the convention, addressing the unique role of ministers’ wives in the home and in the church. A first statewide connection meeting for staff wives will be Friday-Saturday, Nov. 5-6, at White Oak Conference Center near Winnsboro.
Mary Ann has visited some of South Carolina’s associations, promoting SWAT. She has found that some associations are gathering staff wives with intentionality and doing “a great job of meeting needs already; but many, many staff wives, especially in smaller membership or rural churches, have no connection with other staff wives.”
“Staff wives need someone to encourage them, call them, pray with them, and challenge them,” she said. “There needs to be someone every staff wife can call, reminding her she is not alone.” She is looking for 10 staff wives interested in being leaders in the South Carolina SWAT effort.
When the ministry began in Virginia, Hammond said there were a number of surprises. Listening sessions with staff wives revealed the loneliness and pressure felt by many women.
“Being a staff wife is a journey that is unique,” she said. “No one can understand it unless they have walked through it. Others can be empathetic. Women’s ministry studies can connect with women, but only staff wives can minister to one another.
“So many staff wives are lonely all the time. The husband comes to town with a job, people ready to receive him, and a long list of people to meet and things to do,” Hammond said. “The wife comes to town and doesn’t know her way around. She has no friends. She often has nothing to do. She struggles to know where she will fit in the church and if she will be allowed to fit. And she bears all her frustrations privately so her husband isn’t weighted down by it.”
Hammond said the pastor’s wife lives with her family under a microscope. “In many churches, members are constantly questioning the parental decisions of the pastor’s family,” Hammond said. “They hold the pastor’s family to an unrealistic set of expectations, and the staff wife carries that pressure.”
“Every church has the same complaining deacon, the same schedule before its pastor, the same business meeting, and the same struggles,” she said. “SWAT provides the venue for wives to come together and talk.”
Hammond and Matthews agree that SWAT comes with a lot of teaching and equipping, too. “We want wives to understand who they are as people, so we talk about personality traits as well as spiritual gifts,” Hammond said. “We also talk about how to build unity among the wives serving alongside one another on a church staff. We have evangelism training. We teach wives how to make friends and keep them.”
Other discussion issues include: prodigal children; neglect; finding a place in the church and working with expectation; marriage encouragement; and prayer partners.
November’s meeting at White Oak won’t be a pampering meeting, Matthews said. It will be a time for encouragement and challenge, and for building relationships around common ground. It won’t be for women in ministry; it will be exclusively for staff wives.
Diana Davis, wife of Stephen Davis, executive director, Indiana Convention, will be the speaker. She has published three books: “Deacon Wives,” “Fresh Ideas for Women’s Ministry,” and “Fresh Ideas: 1,000 Ways to Grow a Thriving and Energetic Church.” She has been a pastor’s wife for 30 years.
The meeting theme will be “Hidden Treasures: Unlocking the Heart of God,” and will focus on the areas of understanding, wisdom, knowledge and acceptance.
Marta Sedaca, wife of Jorge Sedaca, North American Mission Board, will lead a breakout session for Hispanic staff wives.
For further information: www.scbaptist.org/swat. – SCBC