It is encouraging to have a wife who is on your team instead of on your back when times get tough. When Job had all of his problems, his wife supported him by saying, “Curse God and die.” How would you like to be married to Mrs. Job? What happened to that relationship? I believe it is the same thing that happens in today’s marriages. Couples assume that once they have children, if they invest in their family, it is the same as making an investment in marriage. But it is not.
Many families are like Job’s. When the crisis hits, they discover they no longer have a good relationship. When does life begin? When the kids leave home and the dog dies. The empty nest can be the best time of your relationship. Unfortunately, many couples are making investments in the family and not the husband-wife relationship, while expecting the same dividends they once experienced in their marriage.
So hear me clearly: Your mate is a separate and distinct responsibility from your family. Marriage is your primary relationship, and keeping it strong is the foundation of raising your kids and having a great life.
I was speaking at a banquet with Bobby Bowden, the former great coach at Florida State. He said that his wife once asked him if he loved her more than football and he asked her, “College or pro?” One of the primary needs of a wife is security. There are many ways that your wife asks you if you love her more than __________. (You fill in the blank.)
When Penny and I were first married, she felt like I loved golf more than I loved her. We fought almost every time I played. I discovered that it was a security issue, and my goal became to convince her that I loved her more than golf. Once she was convinced of that, golf was no longer an issue. She actually encouraged me to play.
Your wife will resist whatever she thinks is more important than she is. If she perceives that your job is more important than she is, then that will become a battleground area.
One of my friends said he and his wife were leaving the house for a long-anticipated date when his wife shocked him. She didn’t ask him if he still loved her, but if he still enjoyed being with her. She was asking him if she was still number one in his life.
One of our staff members never wanted his wife to go along on retreats, yet one thing he did was conduct marriage seminars. It seems to me that going to him for marriage counseling would be like asking a man who is bankrupt for financial advice.
The healthiest thing you may teach your organization is that you love to get away from them and spend time with your wife. What areas come to mind that she might consider more important than her to you? If you can’t think of anything, ask her. You may be surprised — and you may lose your television remote.
Life is a series of renewals. Now is a great time to make your marriage a top priority. Don’t end up like the man who asked his wife what she wanted for Valentine’s. She replied, “A divorce.” He shot back that he hadn’t planned on spending that much. Make the effort necessary to convince your wife that she is number one in your life. I can assure you, it is not buying a kitchen appliance.
One of my favorite stories is about the little boy who tugged his mom’s blouse in church and asked what the lady next to them was singing. She replied, “Alto.” He told her that no wonder she sounded funny, the rest of the people were singing “Joy to the World.”
Nothing sounds sweeter to God than a husband and wife who are singing the same song. Make security the song you sing to your wife, and God will bring joy to your world.