I am far from the perfect parent.
That’s the line you always hear from someone, before they proceed to tell you why they are the perfect parent and you should do it just like them. They try to sound humble, but they are dying to tell you how they are doing things exactly right with their children.
EarlsI’m not trying to sound humble. I’m being honest. I mess up every day.
Sometimes, I feel sorry for my oldest son. My wife and I had only been married 10 months when he arrived in our lives. We were only 22 and barely knew how to be married, much less be parents. We made lots of mistakes and continue to do so in trying to raise our (now) two sons in a way that glorifies God.
However (you knew it had to come eventually, didn’t you?), there is one thing that we have been intentional about that I think reinforces the message of the gospel, while confronting a cultural norm contrary to Christianity.
We don’t let them get by with simply saying, “I’m sorry,” and responding, “That’s OK.”
I know that may sound strange. While it may make my wife and me seem odd or overly concerned with words, I believe that the words we use should line up with the doctrines we profess.
Take a normal day at our house. My youngest sees my oldest playing with a toy, until he gets up to leave for some reason. The youngest immediately grabs the toy and proceeds to taunt the older one with it. The older one, of course, retaliates by snatching the toy from his brother’s hand. Naturally, this all results in crying, whining and yelling for Daddy.
They could both mumble, “I’m sorry,” and then both reply, “That’s OK,” and never mean a word of it. They are not really acknowledging wrongdoing in either their faux apology or their response. They are glossing over it, which is exactly how our culture responds to sin.
Apologies are only given when absolutely forced by someone else, most likely because the one forcing the apology has power and influence over the individual. Politicians express regret in an attempt to avoid the wrath of the voters. Businesses try to appease the buying public by releasing a carefully worded statement after a moment of disastrous publicity. After the forced apology, everyone is supposed to act as if nothing has happened and say everything is fine.
That is the false gospel which so many trust in today. They tell God they are sorry and assume their statement makes all of their sin acceptable in His sight. “Why would I not be a Christian? I said I was sorry about that mistake I made.”
This contradicts the gospel. The real gospel tells us there is nothing that can make our sin acceptable. It is never “OK.” We do not apologize for our sin; we confess it as sin and trust in Christ’s finished work on the cross to justify us before a holy and just God.
When our two boys get into an argument, as they so often do being brothers only a few years apart, we make them ask, “Will you forgive me?” and respond, “I forgive you.” When I sin against my boys or my wife, I am to ask for forgiveness and they, in turn, respond with forgiveness. That better represents the gospel we are trying to reinforce in our family, even if we sometimes forget and slip into the comfortable cultural phrases.
When someone has sinned against us and we respond with “That’s OK,” we do so in direct contradiction to what God has said. It is not OK. Sin is never OK. It can and should be forgiven, but it should be recognized first as sin and treated as such.
If we continually repeat phrases that belittle the severity of sin, we unintentionally construct a false gospel in the hearts of our children. Sin is seen as something of little, if any, consequence, which requires little, if any, repentance.
Words matter – and because they do, I want to continually affirm the true gospel, not a counterfeit version, in the lives of my two sons.
I am not a perfect parent, by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not sure I would even feel comfortable saying I’m a gospel-driven parent, but that is my aim. I want my two sons to do more than simply say the right words about Jesus. I want them to know what it means for the gospel to be consistently reflected in their home, their parents and their own lives.
One of the ways I believe I can get there is to reinforce the truth to my sons that sin matters more than we like to admit, but forgiveness is available more than we dare to dream.
– Earls was a student intern at The Baptist Courier in 2001 and worked for North Greenville University for seven years after graduating. He is studying for an M.Div. in apologetics at Southeastern Seminary. He and his wife Pam have two young sons, Wesley and Jeremiah. This first appeared at Earls’ blog, http://wardrobedoor.blogspot.com.